Down, Not Out

An injury during your first race in over a year is something no athlete wants to experience. Of course, we don't want to experience any injuries. Add to that, it's already the middle of April, in an OLYMPIC year. AND you're chasing a standard. You have until the end of June to qualify. It feels devastating. It is hard not to give up. To feel like you're out of chances. Even as I write this, (more than a month later), it is tempting to feel like all hope is lost. I'm not going to lie, throughout the past few weeks there have been times where I wondered if I was done.

I've been injured for most of my career, there is always something. I've had to modify a lot of my training due to injuries. The difference is I have always managed to get to the line. Sometimes not with great or even good results, but I've always been there. This one feels different. For starters, I couldn't finish the race. I couldn't put any weight on my foot after hobbling off the track to the grass. I tried to put on a brave face and act like everything was fine. Deep down I was freaking out. Asking myself all sorts of questions. Telling myself I should have known better than to start that race. Thinking of all the little things that went wrong that day. Thinking about how I felt something during my warm-up and made the decision that it would be ok. Still, after that day, I thought to myself, “take a couple of weeks off and you’ll get right back to it”. I had no doubt in my mind that I would be starting the race at World Relays in Poland 2 weeks later. I wasn’t even close. It’s tough to be on a schedule and not have control over so many things.

As an athlete, you learn to deal with the ups and downs of the sport. “Progress is never a linear line.” We hear this from our coaches, other athletes, we say it ourselves. It makes sense and it is the truth until you’re in the down spike of this non-linear journey. Suddenly it’s hard to make sense of anything. All those words of encouragement we’re so quick to utter to everyone else just sound annoying.

This is just the part where I need to work my way back up.

“It's no use trying to override it, at this point, I can't. And I will not.”

I have decided that this is not my time to give up. I'm going to try everything I can to get back to the place I want to be. Even when I'm down and feel hopeless, there is always a tiny voice, a feeling, that tells me that it's not over for me. It refuses to let me sulk and think I'll never get better. It's no use trying to override it, at this point, I can't. And I will not. I don't know what the future holds, but I'm gonna fight. I'll keep praying and seeking God's guidance and do everything I can to get back on track.

“I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.”

John 14:27 NLT

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